"For you, a thousand times over…"

In the last few weeks, I don’t know how many people have told me I need to write – to keep expressing whatever lurks inside of me – to open up and stop being afraid of love and commitment and discipline and life all around me. Honestly, it scares me.

This whole idea of using words to tell a story – to create a story – seems so far-fetched. Impossible even. And yet I find a burning in me that aches to create something. I long to tell stories that challenge and provoke, denounce and build up, provide hope and clarity and vision, that inspire a glimpse of the Divine, with a taste of beauty – of friendship and loyalty, of love and honor, of forgiveness and redemption.

Some books I have read speak to me. Their echoes resonate in my soul. The Power of One – Doc, Morrie, and Peekay in their fight against racism and oppression and injustice… Handling Sin – the odyssey of a man learning to live and love in spite of himself… The Lord of the Rings – a parable of faithfulness and courage… “All that is left for us is to determine what we do with the times we are given – become who you were born to be:… Harry Potter – the story of friendship and loyalty and the power of sacrificial love… The Kite Runner – redemption is always possible… in the brokenness and darkness of life, beauty exists. Hope exists. Forgiveness and redemption exist… “For you, a thousand times over…”

I keep waiting for some burst of inspiration to hit me – to leave me powerless in the grip of some mysterious force larger than myself that enables me to just shut up and WRITE! To hear a voice that shouts to me through my deafness, “Ignore the escapes of TV and books. Give up your computer games and fantasy worlds. Look at the beauty all around you. Look at the precious life that surrounds you. That alone should be enough. LOOK. And then share that, so that others might glimpse the elusive truth that peeks out at you from the music and words and images others create – the glimpses of the beauty and truth that dwell in Love Himself. Let them SEE through your eyes. Give them hope.”

I know that nothing will compel me to write any more than I am compelled now. So I begin to put words to paper. I begin, not just to hear myself talk, but in the desperate hope that a link will be forged between my stumblings on the page and the only source of all that is true, and giving of hope and life and purity. And maybe in my ramblings, the story will become clearer. I can only hope… and keep writing.

“For you, a thousand times over…”

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4 Comments

Filed under beauty, photos

4 responses to “"For you, a thousand times over…"

  1. ben

    so i figure if you read the comments, you’re pretty regular (or just a curious little devil who loves surprises!)

    so do i have a surprise for you. starting today, you can subscribe to this, and you’ll get an email filling your inbox w/ sugary goodness and fun.

    just go back to the main page and type in your email below the flickr (picture) thingie on the right hand side.

    and like becca said, i won’t use these emails for anything else… so type, click, and enjoy!

  2. ~michelle~

    Ben, whatever you consider stumblings on a page has been highly encouraging to me and inspirational to me in big ways and small ways. I check your blog every few days and kept waiting through Feb for more stories and thoughts! Know that I pray for you and Jenna frequently, and often have it in the back of my mind that someday God might allow me the privilege of joining your community…
    You are an excellent communicator, because you share your heart, and in a world where so many men don’t know where their hearts are, it’s awesome to be a recipient of the love you have for the Lord expressed even in the simple way of journaling on this blog…

  3. Sonya C. Triggs

    I can relate to the concept of being afraid to write because you are afraid of being open and honest to others. The idea of transparency is scary. I’m not even 100% honest with myself all the time, forget being 100% honest with friends and family! But, in the end, I think it is better to write and to sound even half as good as you think you are than to not write at all. A famous quote talks about there being no difference between someone who cannot read and someone who will not read. I think the same could be said of someone who cannot write and someone who does not write. No matter what – CHOOSE TO BE HEARD!

  4. Martha Wood

    “And yet I find a burning in me that aches to create something. I long to tell stories that challenge and provoke, denounce and build up, provide hope and clarity and vision, that inspire a glimpse of the Divine, with a taste of beauty – of friendship and loyalty, of love and honor, of forgiveness and redemption.” I read this and couldn’t help but think of the update letters you’ve been sending from around the world since we were in school – you already do tell those kind of stories. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve taken a thought from one of your letters and used it with my RA’s. I guess it’s good to want to press on, but don’t sell yourself short either.

    I had hoped to have time with you on this trip but your dates & locations didn’t line up for me. Hope you’re well; know you’re loved. Blessings- Martha E. Wood

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