Midnight ramblings

So i really don’t know if you are here to find out about ben, or randomly looking for a laugh or a provoked thought, or if you are somehow magically lost in the the internets and can’t get out. Take heart my friend, there is a way out. Some day, you will be free…

It’s funny trying to share what’s on my mind and heart when my life recently seems to be a strangely compelling mix of waiting, beauracracy, and nothing (with spurts of activity thrown in like the blue sprinkles on a cupcake). Four weeks ago today, I left Rio. I feel I’m nearing the end of this visa hunt one way or another – I’m waiting on the arrival of two more items through the mail, after a horrific attempted sabatoge of my visa process by the USPS (innocent mail carriers of truth and justice, who deliver “through rain, snow, sleet, and hail,” or vicious agents of an imperialist government that doesn’t want to allow its subject to travel to Brazil? you decide…)

But when those two things get here, I will then mail them in one last time, and the Brazilian consulate will accept my paperwork (and there was great rejoicing…) and then, only FIVE days later, they will tell me whether I get my visa or not (or if i need to submit MORE papers…)

But I continue to learn to live in the moment – to accept what comes each day, good or bad, and learn to be thankful, learn to trust. I was reading and meditating by the river today (benefits of visa hassles) and I came across the following passage…

“My God and Father…

I trust him so much that I do not doubt
he will provide
whatever I need
for body and soul,
and he will turn to my good
whatever adversity he sends me
in this sad world.

He is able to do this because he is almighty God,
he desires to do it because he is a faithful Father.”

So I sat amidst the thunder and the lightening and the rain and the wind and repeated to myself, over and over… he is able, because he is almighty God. He wants to, because he is my faithful Father. He will provide. He will turn things to good. And he may not provide what I want, but he will provide what I need. And it may not be the good I want, but it will be GOOD! He will provide a visa, or he will provide another path. All that I have to do is listen, wait, and love wholeheartedly where I find myself today. And hopefully as I emerge from the soul-surgery I find myself in, it will be healthier, more joyful, more patient, more able to laugh out loud, more trusting, more disciplined, taking more risks, loving more deeply, a better reflection of His character and heart.

Or maybe I’ll just be able to pull up carpet really really fast, and strip wallpaper with a vengance, and be able to run six miles without passing out. Either way, I want to be found faithful. To see what is going on around me and be fully alive.

“I have come that you might have LIFE, and have it to the full…”


1 Comment

Filed under gratitude, visa

One response to “Midnight ramblings

  1. Anonymous

    thanks, ben. your words meant a lot to my restless, anxious self this morning.


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