Pride goeth

As you may or may not know, this Saturday is a big day for me.  No, it’s not that…  This Saturday I get to sit down in a classroom with many other people (probably most of them younger than I) and take a beast of a test known as the LSAT.  They tell me that much depends on this test.  They say that if I do well, doors will open, and trumpets will sound, and all will be well.
See, I’ve always been a fairly intelligent person.  At least, that’s what people tell me.  And secretly, I eat it up.  I pretend not to care, or mock myself, but I enjoy being the smart one.  And I enjoy being validated in that belief – people telling me, remind me, etc.  So, you can imagine the gift to my pride when I get to take this test that people say is hard, and have where I stand made clear to all – “Look how smart I am!  Value me because of that…”
Even as I studied, and took practice test, it began to be a comparison game.  “I did better than 95% of people who took this test.  I’m awesome.”  And it eventually escalated to the point that I caught myself being upset and frustrated because the score that I got on a particulary bad day would put me out of the application pool at the top schools (as in Harvard, Yale, and Stanford, etc.)  And that’s when I realized that I had gotten a little carried away.
So, dose of perspective time: I’ll do my best.  I might do well.  I might not.  Either way, I’ll end up in a place that challenges me, that pushes me, that allows me to use my gifts in a way that honors God.  I’ll work hard, aim high, and see what happens – trusting that God can and will open doors.  And I will be content…
I’d appreciate your thoughts and prayers this week, as I finish studying, and Sat. as I take the test…  And hopefully once this is over I will have a little more time and energy to write.  ‘Til then…

As you may or may not know, this Saturday is a big day for me.  No, it’s not that…  This Saturday I get to sit down in a classroom with many other people (probably most of them younger than I) and take a beast of a test known as the LSAT – the test they make you take to apply to law schools.  They tell me that much depends on this test.  They tell me my future and my career and my vocation hang on the result.  They say that if I do well, doors will open, and trumpets will sound, and all will be well.

See, I’ve always been a fairly intelligent person.  At least, that’s what people tell me.  And secretly, I eat it up.  I pretend not to care, or mock myself, or joke that I have two brains, etc., but I enjoy being “the smart one.”  And I enjoy having that belief validated.  So, you can imagine the gift to my pride when I get to take this test that people say is hard, and have where I stand made clear to all – “Look how smart I am!  Value me because of that…”

Even as I studied, and took practice test, it began to be a comparison game.  “I did better than 95% of people who took this test.  I’m awesome.”  And it eventually escalated to the point that I caught myself being upset and frustrated because the score that I got on a particulary bad day would put me out of the application pool at the top schools (as in Harvard, Yale, and Stanford, etc.)  And that’s when I realized that I had gotten a little carried away.

So, dose of perspective time: I’ll do my best.  I might do well.  I might not.  Either way, I’ll end up in a place that challenges me, that pushes me, that allows me to use my gifts in a way that honors God.  I’ll work hard, aim high, and see what happens – trusting that God can and will open doors.  And I will be content…

I’d appreciate your thoughts and prayers this week, as I finish studying, and Sat. as I take the test…  And hopefully once this is over I will have a little more time and energy to write.  ‘Til then…

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4 Comments

Filed under future, prayer, Uncategorized

4 responses to “Pride goeth

  1. Actually, Ben, you used to have two brains. When we were in Lima that one time I gave you spiked punch and took you to the doctor and had your extra brain surgically removed. It now resides inside the head of a performing spider monkey, who can juggle and do calculus.

    So, you’re pretty much normal now and can get over it. Hugs.

  2. Ben

    oh.

    Thanks, I guess… That would explain my difficulties in those two specific areas… hmm… I guess I should give up on my dreams of being a famous juggling mathematician. Dreams do die hard…

    (For some reason, I kept reading the phrase “gave you spiked punch” as an awkward way of saying “I punched you with a spike.” “Spiked punch makes much more sense…)

  3. Amanda

    ahh the LSAT. one of my sisters has been preparing to take it this saturday as well.

    it is so hard to be in an environment when it seems like everyone else is playing the game (i.e. i’m the smartest, no, i’m the smartest) and resist playing yourself. especially when you are the smartest 😉

    for my sister, it was really helpful to stop and remember why she wanted to go to law school anyway. it is a reminder that it isn’t really about being the best, but that this test is just one step along the way of living out her calling.

  4. Ben

    thanks for the reminder amanda. it is good to stop and remember the purpose behind this all, and take it from there. one step, one day at a time…

    i do like to pretend i’m not the smartest. downplay it. and then show everyone. ha! (and there comes pride again…) “but honestly officer, i’m only using it to make sure those proud, cocky people get what’s coming to them…”

    sigh…

    living out our calling… vocation. good stuff…

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